Hardly a Husband

Author: Rebecca Hagan Lee
Published: October 5, 2004 (Berkley)
Category: Historical Romance
Series: Free Fellows League #3
Quote of Choice: "Because I didn't realize I loved you yesterday! I was too arrogant and stupid to realize I loved you yesterday."

Yet another great book by Rebecca Hagan Lee! In this installment in the Free Fellows League series, the last of the original Free Fellows is about to realize that being married isn't as horrible as he thought it would be when he was twelve years-old.

Jarrod, fifth Marquess of Shepherdston is the last unmarried member of the original three Free Fellows. He suffered an awful childhood, witnessing his parents endure a loveless marriage, and hurting each other on purpose. In the end, he witnessed his mother as she killed herself after murdering his father in bed with the housekeeper. Because of that, Jarrod's vow never to marry was the strongest of all the Free Fellows.

Enter Sarah Eckersley, the daughter of a recently-deceased village reverend. As a child, she used to annoyingly tag along (a.k.a. stalk) Jarrod, eight years her senior. Due to the scheming of a nefarious distant relative, Sarah and her aunt Henrietta are tossed out of their home so the new, obnoxious reverend (with appropriately obnoxious children and wife) can move in without any notice to the current occupants. The distant relative, Lord Dunbridge, wants to make Sarah his wife. I'm constantly grossed out by these distant cousins wanting to marry their relatives (i.e. Mr. Collins in Pride and Prejudice)! Of course, Sarah would rather die than marry her disgusting, foppish relative, so she makes a deal with the village magistrate: Sarah will find herself a husband within 30 days or the magistrate will give Sarah's hand to Lord Dunbridge.

Sarah and Aunt Etta go to London, where Sarah plans to marry Jarrod, her childhood crush. To get Jarrod's attention, she goes to him in the middle of the night, asking him to give her lessons in the art of seduction. When that doesn't work, Sarah tries to make him jealous, by saying she'll get lessons from someone else. The real catalyst for their relationship is when Sarah wore a ballgown with a low-cut bodice and Jarrod frowned at any man who even looked at her. It turns out that the gown wasn't scandalous. In fact, Gillian (Colin's wife from Merely the Groom) was wearing a gown of the same style, and Jarrod hadn't even noticed. She said that only Colin said that her gown was cut too low and upon her discovery that Jarrod was doing the same to Sarah, she and Colin knew Jarrod's true feelings.

I think I enjoyed Merely the Groom more, but Hardly a Husband isn't too shabby either. I especially enjoy reading about a man who admits he's been wrong.

Much Ado in the Moonlight

Author: Lynn Kurland
Published: April 25, 2006 (Jove)
Category: Paranormal Romance

I first read Lynn Kurland in The Queen in Winter, a collection of stories by four authors. I really enjoyed her story, so I decided to give a full Kurland novel a shot.

I can definitely say that Kurland does not write flimsy, shallow romance. In Much Ado in the Moonlight, Victoria McKinnon, a great director of Shakespearean plays is given the opportunity to direct Hamlet in a Scottish castle. When she arrives in Scotland, she finds that the castle and inn she's staying in are haunted. The inn ghosts aren't just your run-of-the-mill ghosts; they're Victoria's ancestors, a group of (former) men bent on matchmaking their descendents. Apparently, Victoria's older brother and sister have already made matches thanks to their ghostly grandfathers.

For Victoria, the ghosts have chosen Laird Connor MacDougal, a big manly Scot, complete with kilt. Unfortunately for Victoria, he's a ghost too.

Yes, the idea is a lot to bend your brain around. I struggled with my ability to suspend disbelief when I realized Victoria and Connor were supposed to end up together, and my ability to suspend disbelief goes quite a ways.

So how does Victoria wind up with the burly laird? Time travel of course!! All she has to do is time travel back to medieval Scotland and save Connor before he gets murdered by a deceitful French minstrel. Of course, Victoria has to learn how to use a knife, speak Gaelic, ride a horse, basic survival skills, and use a faery ring to travel between their times. Everything works out in the end, and Connor travels into the future, but has no idea that his former ghostly self had already professed love to Victoria. In another instance of suspension of disbelief, all of Connor's ghostly memories come back to him in dreams, both waking and sleeping.

It turns out that Kurland has a lot of these ghostly matchmaking books and there's a family tree in the back of the book that shows which books correspond to which sibling or ancestor. There are a LOT of characters in just the one book I read, so much that there's a cast list in the front matter (ha ha, I'm using my production jargon).

I'm not really sure if I'd read another one of Kurland's books because most of them seem tied into this family tree and it wasn't a very passionate relationship. I didn't buy the Victoria-Connor match, and I'm not sure if it was the whole ghost thing. If I had to rate it, I'd give it a 5/10.

Pride and Prescience

Author: Carrie Bebris
Published: 2004 (Forge Books)
Category: Mystery
Quote of Choice: The elderly vicar who had officiated this morning's ceremony suffered from declining wits, a condition that had led to some fascinating sermons in recent years.

Before I start, I'll admit that I haven't read Pride and Prejudice since high school. Sadly, my P&P exposure has been limited to recent viewings of the new movie and the BBC version. I can't help it, but I love Elizabeth and Darcy together! I think epilogues are great. I've said before that I love reading about how characters deal with their endings and since I'm a romantic, reading about one of my favorite literary couples puts me on Cloud 9.

Pride and Prescience begins with the wedding breakfast at the double wedding of Elizabeth & Darcy and Jane & Bingley. Caroline Bingley decides to steal the couples' thunder by announcing her sudden engagement to Parrish, an American, and even more sudden wedding to be held the following week, throwing a wrench into any possible honeymoon plans.

So Elizabeth and Darcy head off to London for the Caroline-Parrish wedding, only to find that after becoming a married woman, Caroline begins acting insane. Caroline's new husband suggests taking Caroline back to his plantation in Louisiana, but they figure that might make her condition worse. Instead, Bingley and Jane, the ultra kindhearted couple invite everyone to Netherfield to stay, where a series of unfortunate events begins to happen, making it looks as though someone's targeting the Bingley family.

Pride and Prescience was a lot of fun, like seeing old friends again. I'll pick up the sequel, Suspense and Sensibility soon.

Sex, Lies and Vampires

Author: Katie MacAlister
Published: February 2005 (Love Spell)
Category: Paranormal Romance

This installment in Katie MacAlister's paranormal romances is a great example of the old "misconceptions about a guy's character due to misinformation" plot device (think Pride and Prejudice, but with vampires and charmers instead of dishy Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth).

Nell is a charmer, which means she can charm curses. I had a hard time bending my brain around this because I've read too much Harry Potter and my idea of charming has to do with making keys fly so you can't get to the Sorcerer's Stone. In MacAlister's world, a charmer can charm a curse to unbreak it, or create a curse by charming one up.

Adrian is the Betrayer, a Dark One, and he is hunted by other members of his race because of his crimes. Apparently, he has been turning Dark Ones over to the demon Asmodeus. What most people don't know is that he's been cursed since he was two years old because his father turned him over to Asmodeus in exchange for the power to seduce any woman. His father wound up dying alone and unhappy anyways.

When Nell first runs into Adrian, she thinks he's this monster because of all the bad things she's heard about the Betrayer, but then she realizes that he's not so bad after all and becomes his Beloved to undo the curse of all unredeemed Dark Ones. Unfortunately, retrieving Adrian's soul isn't that easy because he's doubly cursed, and has to be free of Asmodeus before he can have his soul.

In this book, Nell wants to become Adrian's Beloved, but he doesn't want to make her life unhappy and refuses to admit that she's destined to be his companion. He gives in to her (it doesn't take much), but doesn't act very happy about it. When Nell tries to give Adrian love names like "Snuggle Bunny," he gets all offended and says, "I am the Betrayer, blah blah, doomed to darkness, exiled, blah blah" and she doesn't even care. MacAlister's alpha male heroes are very alpha, but at the same time, they have some secret weakness that will make them into insecure little boys in a snap. That's probably why I love her books and her heroes.

It was pretty good, but I think I like Sex and the Single Vampire more.

Merely the Groom

Author: Rebecca Hagan Lee
Published: April 2004 (Berkley)
Series: Free Fellows League #2
Category: Historical Romance
Quote of Choice: "How dare he make my daughter his third wife? If he was going to become a bigamist, he should have made her his first wife. How dare he consider Gillian his third choice?"

I have to say I'm said that I didn't discover Rebecca Hagan Lee sooner, as many of her books are out of print, despite being only a few years old. Even Merely the Groom is no longer available! This title is from Lee's Free Fellows League series. The League is composed of four gentlemen and originally began as an agreement made while they were boys in school (around 11 years old). They swore not to marry until absolutely necessary, at least until 30 years of age, and even at that point, it would be duty and not a pleasure, more like medicine to be swallowed. In their adulthood, the League became a service to the Crown, assisting in the war efforts against Bonaparte.

Gillian Davies has run off to Scotland with a man named Colin Fox. He romanced her and she fell for it, agreeing to an elopement. Unfortunately, Colin Fox turned into a completely different man after relieving Gillian of her virginity, and then disappeared with her jewelry and money, leaving her in a dodgy inn in Edinburgh. Without any money, Gillian had no way of returning to London or paying her bill at the inn, so she just kept waiting for her wayward husband to return.

Colin McElreath, the Viscount Grantham, happened to be in the area on business for the Free Fellows League. While sneaking about, Colin is nearly killed by an assassin, but gets away with a wound on his side. He decides to hide in Gillian's room since the assassin's accomplices are also waiting for him in his room. She thinks her husband has finally returned, and he doesn't disabuse her of the notion, and says that he'll be leaving again in the morning. Gillian asks him to hold her until she falls asleep and Colin finds that he enjoys doing so, wishing he could rescue her from her situation. In the morning, he arranges for her bill to be paid and books a coach for her to return to London, explaining so in a note to Gillian that he signs as "Galahad."

Because Gillian's in disgrace upon her return to London, her father, a newly made baron, tries to marry her off as soon as possible. Being that the Bow Street Runner figured out that Colin McElreath went by the alias of Colin Fox on his business for the Crown, Baron Davies figures that his daughter could do worse than marrying a viscount. He practically blackmails Colin into marrying Gillian, threatening to expose the League. Colin agreed to the marriage. First, because he was attracted to Gillian and second, he inherited a title along with his father's gaming debts. Colin was the perfect gentleman, supporting his mother and siblings and always doing the right thing, even marrying a woman with a tarnished reputation when he could have another rich heiress without the "fallen woman" status.

So Gillian and Colin wind up being married and they quickly realize that they're perfect for each other. Eventually, Gillian finds out that Colin was the very same Galahad who had rescued her from the inn, but unlike the usual Regency romance formula, she didn't throw a fit about it and Colin's secret work for the Crown. She was happy to be truly reunited with the man who helped her out of a sticky situation. Through some poorly deciphered French missives, Colin was under the impression that Gillian's father was aiding the French, and I was afraid that he'd turn against his new wife, but in a welcome change, the two of them talked it out right then and there, figured out what was wrong with the deciphering key, and didn't create unnecessary drama.

Lee's Regency romance writing was a breath of fresh air to me. The conversation between Colin and Gillian while dancing reminded me of Jane Austen (not that I've read Austen recently) and there was a big of Scarlet Pimpernel-ish intrigue. It was a good mix and I'm going to try getting my hands on the out of print books in the League series.

Sex and the Single Vampire

Author: Katie MacAlister
Published: March 2004 (Love Spell)
Category: Paranormal Romance
Quote of Choice: "I shall bring my rapier. I am most dashing with my rapier," Antonio told Noelle. He demonstrated with a few moves that would have left her without the ability to bear children had the rapier been made up of anything other than air and psychic energy.

When I started reading Sex and the Single Vampire, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was an honest-to-goodness sequel to A Girl's Guide to Vampires. I love seeing familiar characters again, and finding out how they're doing with their happily-ever-after endings. Think of it as an extended epilogue.

Allegra Telford is an American Summoner (can raise ghosts haunting a building, demons, etc.) in London, gathering proof of ghosts for her employer, the United Psychical Research Association (UPRA). She visits reportedly haunted sites in London tries to raise the spirits stuck there. Unfortunately, she hasn't had much success with that. Finally, she sneezes during a Summoning in her hotel room, raising the ghost of a cat, Mr. Woogums. At the next summoning, she sneezes and brings up Mr. Woogums' owner, Esme. Strangely, sneezing seems to be the key to Allegra's Summoning powers.

While in London, she promised her cousin that she'd attend a C.J. Dante book signing. C.J. Dante is known for his books featuring Moravians (a.k.a. Dark Ones). Basically, male Moravians are like vampires, doomed to be soulless (unless his parents were Joined) until he finds his Beloved, who redeems his soul after they have completed the seven steps of Joining. Christian (That's what the C stands for) was in A Girl's Guide to Vampires, where he thought Joy Randall was his Beloved, but she was already in love with Raphael St. John. At the end of that book, Joy promised Christian that she'd help him find his real Beloved.

So Allegra and Christian meet at the book signing and Joy (now pregnant), realizes that Allegra is Christian's Beloved even though the parties in question disagree with that. Christian is MacAlister's typical alpha male character. Allegra is a woman who suffered an abusive marriage and promised herself that she'd never allow a man to control her again. However, the two have to spend a lot of time together while trying to help Christian locate his Moravian friend, Sebastian, who's gone missing. They believe the Association of Research Mediums and Psychics Investigation Trust (also goes by the unfortunate acronym ARMPIT) is holding Sebastian captive.

This is my favorite of MacAlister's vampire paranormal romances. There's some real character development and I like the way Allegra and Christian made compromises between Christian's alpha male-dominating nature and Allegra's refusal to be controlled by a man again. Plus, Allegra's inability to Release (send ghosts on to Heaven or whatnot) means that she collected several ghosts that refused to be Released (a Summoner can't Release a ghost that doesn't want to move on). She even found a ghost of a Spanish courtier named Antonio who kept challenging Christian for Allegra's hand. Of course, the flesh and blood Christian won out.

It was great, and apparently, Sebastian's story will be featured in Just One Sip, a collection of vampire romances coming out in September 2006.

Book Meme

Stolen from Marg

Review the following list of books. Boldface the books you've read, italicize those you might read, cross out the ones you won’t, put an asterisk beside the ones on your bookshelves, and place brackets around the ones you’ve never even heard of.

The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
*The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald)
To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
The Time Traveler’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)
His Dark Materials (Philip Pullman)
*Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (J. K. Rowling)
The Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
*Animal Farm: A Fairy Story (George Orwell)
Catch 22 (Joseph Heller)
The Hobbit (J.R.R. Tolkien) - I tried reading this, but it was too dry.
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time (Mark Haddon)
*Lord of the Flies (William Golding)
*Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
1984 (George Orwell)
*Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (J. K. Rowling)
One Hundred Years of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden) - I started this one too, but it wasn't as good as everyone hyped it up to be, so I stopped after a few chapters.
The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
Slaughterhouse Five (Kurt Vonnegut)
The Secret History (Donna Tartt)
*Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (C.S. Lewis)
Middlesex (Jeffrey Eugenides)
Cloud Atlas (David Mitchell)
*Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
Atonement (Ian McEwan)
*The Shadow of the Wind (Carlos Ruiz Zafon)
The Old Man and the Sea (Ernest Hemingway)
The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood) - Ditto on starting and not liking this one.
The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath)
Dune (Frank Herbert) - I saw the miniseries though.
Sula (Toni Morrison)
Cold Mountain (Charles Frazier) - Ugh! I hated the movie!
The Alchemist (Paulo Coehlo)
White Teeth (Zadie Smith) - I might be disappointed as I usually am by critically acclaimed authors. I guess I'm not sophisticated enough.
The House of Mirth (Edith Wharton)

The Fourth Bear

Author: Jasper Fforde
Published: August 3, 2006 (Viking)
Category: Mystery/Absurdist Fiction

I don't want to say anything until after the on-sale date, but it was awesome. I liked The Big Over Easy quite a bit, but I loved this book.

Jack Spratt is definitely better the second time around.

And the next Thursday Next book is supposed to be out July 2007, tentatively titled The War of the Words. There will also be a third Nursery Crime, titled The Last Great Tortoise Race. According to Jasper Fforde's website, it will be the final Nursery Crime novel. However, there's no publication date for the final Jack Spratt installment.

Charlie All Night

Author: Jennifer Crusie
Published: January 1996 (Harlequin), reissued December 2004 (Mira)
Category: Romance
Quote of Choice: "And then Lisa sprayed the place with that stinking pine disinfectant, which explains why this place smells like somebody pooped a pine tree."

At Jennie's recommendation, I picked up my first Jennifer Crusie book yesterday from the library. It's one of her earlier novels, and I hear that Crusie only got better with time. I've read reviews that say Crusie writes really funny, witty dialogue and makes her characters seem like real people. While I felt like Charlie and Alice were real people, I didn't have any laugh-out-loud moments when reading this book.

Charlie comes to the town of Tuttle to do a favor for his father's friend, Bill. He's investigating rumors of drugs being distributed through the radio station Bill owns. As a cover, Charlie pretends to be a temporary DJ so he can figure out who's selling drugs at the station. Bill assigns the stations most successful producer, Alice, to produce Charlie's new show.

Alice is not without problems of her own. She used to produce her boyfriend Mark's show, but he dumped her for another producer (who's younger and prettier). At first, she thinks Charlie will be a good rebound guy to help her get over her feelings for Mark. However, she and Charlie fell for each other even though they didn't realize it. Once, their argument was on the air to Charlie's audience and they had to do segments together where they argued.

Mark, the ex-boyfriend provided lots of amusement. Charlie was an unexpected hit as a DJ, and Mark would copy Charlie to get the same reaction from listeners. When the audience found out that Charlie was nursing an orphaned puppy, Mark got a dog from the pound, only to realize that you need to take dogs out for walks or else they'll poop in the studio.

This was a really fast read and was amusing. However, I wouldn't read this again. I'm sure that the titles Jennie prefers will be better.

Undead and Unappreciated

Author: MaryJanice Davidson
Published: July 5, 2005 (Berkley)
Series: Betsy Taylor, Queen of the Undead #3
Category: Paranormal Romance
Quote of Choice: "She knows you are a vampire, but the front door was unlocked. Either she's unbelievably arrogant or unbelievably dim."

The Betsy Taylor books are extreme fluff - even fluffier than Katie MacAlister books. If MacAlister is cotton candy, Davidson is sugar fumes. I finished this book in half a day. When we last left Betsy, Queen of the Undead, in Undead and Unemployed, she had offed another insurgent (Betsy's reign is not widely accepted among the vampire population) and taken all of that vampire's property upon her death.

Davidson's books don't advance the overally Betsy Taylor storyline with each installment, and there's really very little character growth. In fact, the events of Unappreciated take place in less than a week. Betsy is still selfish (still not really caring about her subjects, or her housemates) and lacking in common sense (plunging into dangerous situations without considering the consequences) and obviously hasn't learned much from the past couple books in the series. In this book, Betsy finds out she has a half-sister and this sister is destined to take over the world. Oh, and she's the daughter of the Devil. Aside from meeting her sister, throwing the Book of the Dead into a river, and dealing with her employees going on strike, Betsy didn't do very much.

The thing I've complained about the most is her relationship (or lack thereof) with Eric Sinclair, her hunky consort/vampire king. Finally Betsy has realized she's not really going to do better than Sinclair, who has not wavered one bit in his devotion to Betsy, no matter how silly and selfish she acts towards him. However, I feel a little bad for Sinclair because I don't think Betsy even knows why she loves him. After all, she didn't admit to loving him until she thought Sinclair might be hitting on her younger half-sister. Does she only like Sinclair because he's rich, buys her shoes, and great in the sack? They certainly don't have much in the way over conversation. Maybe my "witty banter" standards are too high.

Sinclair and Betsy are engaged at the end of this book. Betsy believes that the root of her relationship problems with Sinclair stem from the fact that they're not married. Don't get me started on the whole "marriage on impulse for the sake of having a big wedding" thing, because I'm afraid this is going to be an issue that will come up for Betsy and Sinclair. Maybe the next book will spend 288 pages on that single issue.

At least we got another cool character out of Unappreciated. Betsy's sister, Laura, is awesome. She reminds me of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Except that she's not killing Betsy.... yet.

In Deep Voodoo

Author: Stephanie Bond
Published: October 2005 (Avon)
Category: Romantic Suspense
Quote of Choice: "Where was the restraining order, Mona, when Deke painted my house the color of a vagina?"

Penny Francisco has just gone through an awful divorce. She and her ex-husband Deke were growing apart for the past couple years, and then she discovers Deke and his mistress going at it in her marriage bed. His mistress is much younger, but is tanned to the point of having orange leather for skin, thanks to owning the town's tanning salon. In the divorce settlement, Penny got the property her health food store occupies and Deke got the charming Victorian house (situated across the street from the health food store) that Penny restored. Of course, his mistress Sheena moved into Penny's old dream house and proceeded to paint the exterior a Pepto Bismol pink.

While trying to put up a brave front in the face of Sheena's obnoxious behavior, Penny agrees to her employee's idea of a "Happy Divorce" party to celebrate her newfound freedom. In her pursuit for a healthy lifestyle, Penny gave up sugar, caffeine, meat, fish, and alcohol. Thanks to an insubstantial tofu dinner and not drinking for a few years, Penny got very, very tipsy. In her drunken state, she stabbed a gag gift voodoo doll of Deke in the heart. Unfortunately for her, Deke was murdered by a garden stake through the heart, and Penny discovered the body. Given the circumstances, she was the prime suspect for the murder.

Thanks to the help from B.J. Beaumont (yes, such titillating initials), a private investigator specializing in missing persons cases, Penny works to clear her name. Of course, she's attracted to this hunky manly man, but their romance plays a very small part in the book. Deke's murder is just a small part of a much bigger illegal activity picture. It's a very clever little mystery and the ending left the door open for a sequel. Of course, the downside of that is that they didn't really catch all the perpetrators of the crime, copping out with the old "I won't reveal the names of my accomplices" thing when they caught Deke's murderer.

Stephanie Bond has a new book coming out next month, Body Movers, and I think I'll put it on my list for the library.

The Principles of Love

Author: Emily Franklin
Published: July 5, 2005 (NAL)
Category: Teen fiction

Our main character suffers a tragic name: Love Bukowski.

Aside from the name problems, Love has other issues in her life. She has never known her mom. She has to move and begin her sophomore year at a swanky New England boarding school, and her dad is its new principal.

During her first week, Love meets her dream guy, a fake friend (who'll later backstab her in the sequel Piece, Love, and Happiness), her hard-to-hate competition for dream guy, and the real dream guy who actually knows Love. During her first year, Love will experience love, be betrayed, get suspended, be pseudo-famous, and puke all over her object of affection. I certainly didn't have a sophomore year like that.

Despite its formulaic storyline, Principles was a pretty good read. I didn't read through it as fast as I read the Sweep series. I felt it wasn't as fluffy because it was so serious about all those important problems you deal with as a teenager. It's very much of a coming of age/staying true to yourself book. I think the book would've been better if Franklin didn't try so hard to pack every element of the stereotypical teen angst movie into the book. I have no idea how she manages to write at least three more titles for the series when she's exhausting every plot device possible in Principles. I thought I was going to read the sequel, but upon reading the back cover, I decided I'd be more satisfied without it.

A Girl's Guide to Vampires

Author: Katie MacAlister
Published: November 2003
Category: Paranormal Romance

This is the first of Katie MacAlister's paranormal romances, and it was pretty good for her first one. In this one, Joy Randall sees a witch who scries for Joy's true love. Joy is a typical MacAlister heroine: she's spunky, not afraid to go for what she wants, and is no damsel in distress.

While in the Czech republic with her best friend, Joy's dream hunk walks through the door of her hotel bar. The problem is, he just might be a Moravian Dark One (aka: vampire). MacAlister's Dark Ones are vampires without souls. These vampires search for their Beloved, a woman to save their immortal souls. So while Joy tries to figure out if her hunk is a bloodsucker, there are a series of murders taking place, and someone is trying to frame Joy.

To add another monkeywrench into the mess, another Dark One is trying to claim Joy as his Beloved. The problem asks the question some people wonder: Is there only one soulmate for me? I think they asked that question in a Sex and the City episode. You can't help but feel sad for the Dark One who doesn't find his Beloved, but it would be unfair to keep a Beloved who doesn't care for you the way you care for them.

A Girl's Guide to Vampires is a bit more than your usual fluffy romance. It's got a little mystery, a chunk of romance, and a dash of melodrama (for the love triangle). Good fun!

Improper English

Author: Katie MacAlister
Published: March 2003 (Love Spell)
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Quote of Choice: Lady Rowena gasped in horror at the sight of Lord Raoul's majestic purple-helmeted warrior of love.

Alexandra "Alix" Freemar is in London writing the perfect romance novel. She has the setting and the history, but her actual manuscript for Ravening Raptures is awful in the cheesiest way (as seen in the above quote). Each of the chapters begins with an excerpt from Alix's work-in-progress and it's quite hilarious, in a cringing kind of way. She is distracted from her writing by her neighbor, the devilishly handsome Detective Inspector Alexander Black (yes, our main characters' names are almost exactly the same: Alix and Alex), a man who takes his job very seriously, but is looking for a serious relationship... the woman of his dreams (yeah, if only such men existed).

Of course, there are obstacles to their love. Alix thinks that everything that happens to her is bound to fail and sets herself up for failure and her failures become self-fulfilling prophecies. Alex is very serious about his detective work and is a bit insensitive at times. He's not very good at communicating, but seriously, I still don't think there's very much wrong with Alex. He wanted to commit to Alix, but she was the one who pulled away and broke his heart. Granted, she had good reason for doing so - she wanted to learn how to stand up for herself and stick through to the end of her novel, and actually turned out a good one in the end.

This is one of Katie MacAlister's earlier novels in the contemporary romance categories and you can see how she has only gotten better with time. In her later novels, there's usually an equal balance between the man and woman in terms of relationship strife, but Alix was the 95% responsible for the problems in her relationship with Alex.

It was good, and I had a lot of giggles over the awful romance excerpts. I found that the "fake" manuscript was funnier than a lot of the actual characters in Improper English. At one point, Alix scraps Ravening Raptures to begin writing a medieval romance that included a stubborn knight (modeled after Alex) who has a blind horse, therefore leading his army off in a zigzag fashion.

I'm glad Katie MacAlister appears to get better with time with her standalone novels. The jury's still out on her vampire novels, but I've got A Girl's Guide to Vampires from the library, so we'll see if her oldest vamp novel is better than her newest one, Even Vampires Get the Blues, which I have already reviewed.

Adored

Author: Tilly Bagshawe
Published: July 1, 2005 (Warner)
Category: General Fiction

I love celebrity gossip, and if you do too, you'll like this book as much as I did. It's an unrestricted peek into the fabulous world of the McMahon family. The head of the family, Duke McMahon is a famous actor and producer, and he has one dysfunctional family. However, the story really isn't about him - it's about his granddaughter, Siena McMahon.

Despite being a book about a vain, selfish, arrogant girl, the book doesn't stay with her all the time. Half of the chapters focus on other characters' storylines, and the first third of the book is a flashback, showing the background to the family problems. In short, Duke had two children with his wife Minnie, but then brought his mistress, Caroline, into their home and the family had to live with this awful woman for 15 years. To make matters worse, she got pregnant to secure a place in Duke's will. Siena, the daughter of Duke's first son, was born a few years after Caroline's son, Hunter.

Despite all the backstabbing between the adults, Siena and Hunter were very close. Hunter was a caring uncle to his spoiled niece, and they were each other's safe haven in an acidic household. They were forced and tricked into never speaking to each other when Caroline was finally kicked out of the McMahon household, and when they grew up, Hunter became an actor and Siena was forced to study medicine at Oxford (she was actually smart, although she didn't show it for most of the book). When she decided to pursue a modeling career as a doorway to acting, Siena's parents disowned her.

From then on, we have people trying to find their places in the world, the past repeating itself, men cheating on their beautiful girlfriends/wives (it certainly happens in the real Hollywood enough), people growing backbones, and learning just how much of yourself you inherit from your family.

Adored is a good story, and in the end, I realized that the book isn't about the fabulous lives of celebrities. The fame and fortune become accessories to the true focal point of the book - family.

Undead and Unemployed

Author: MaryJanice Davidson
Published: August 3, 2004 (Berkley)
Category: Paranormal Romance
Quote of Choice: "I know that look. She's got an idea. Or she needs an Ex-Lax."

I can't stay away from the paranormal fiction, can I?

We rejoin Betsy, now the Queen of the Undead, and she's still trying to avoid her attraction to Eric Sinclair (aka Betsy's consort/king AND a super sexy studmuffin vampire). At the same time, she's trying to solve brutal vampire killings, avoid being queen, and keep a part-time job in the shoe department at Macy's.

At first, the killings were attributed to a gang called the Blade Warriors, composed of teenaged misfits and a priest for their leader. They make the mistake of trying to kill Betsy, but are a bit confused by her quirky personality and the things she says, like "blow me." In short, she changes their perception of vampires and they become friends, trying to figure out the identity of the person who was anonymously directing the Blade Warriors.

There was a bit more romance in this one, but again, not as much as I'd like. Hey, why call it paranormal romance if there's not much romance in it? At least Betsy isn't trying to hate Eric anymore by the end of this book. Also, I was a little annoyed by her whole "I don't want to be queen" thing because I can't stand it when characters don't want to take responsibility. I mean, she's dead and doesn't really have anything better to do with her un-life.

Why not be the queen and have your studmuffin too?

Sweep (Series)

Author: Cate Tiernan
Published: January 2001-September 2002 (Puffin)
Category: Teen Fiction

I read this series of fourteen books over about two weeks. I have this feeling that if I'd had all the books at once, I would've been done in a few days. However, Jennie loaned me most of hers, a couple at a time, and I had a few from take shelves.

The Sweep series is about a teenaged girl, Morgan Rowlands, who takes up Wicca with a number of her schoolmates. In doing so, she discovers she's a very powerful witch and is then exposed to that age-old question. Is power evil, or the person who wields it the evil one? When you add the fact that Morgan has some evil ancestors, she has to choose whether her magick will be used for good or bad. I should probably mention that I liked studying the whole "is man inherently evil" question in English class.

Of course, no teen fiction is complete without some angst. Morgan has fights with her best friends, experiences her first love, betrayal by loved ones, and finds a happy ending.... as well as nearly dying a few times. I felt like my high school career was a lot more boring in comparison to hers! Seriously, reading these books brings back all those adolescent emotions and I identified with all the insecurity Morgan went through. Some people might think that watching The O.C. and Laguna Beach will bring back the high school drama, but Sweep captures all those feelings so much better with words.

And to top it off, this series is Jennie approved for good reading. I find it funny that I'm using the Jennie-approval icon before Jennie, but thanks for telling me I "have to read them!"

The Big Over Easy

Author: Jasper Fforde
Published: July 21, 2005 (Viking)
Category: Mystery
Quote of Choice: He was particularly fearful that a giant mongoose was after him, was phobic about soufflé, meringue, and egg whisks, and had a recurring nightmare of being boiled alive for exactly three minutes.

I'm a huge fan of Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next series, so I think my expectations were really high for The Big Over Easy, the first of a new series spinning off from TN. I started reading it last summer, but put it down and haven't picked it up again until this week. I think my initial reaction (last year) was one of disappointment because I was hoping for another TN.

We meet Jack Spratt, first seen in The Well of Lost Plots, when Thursday Next entered the Character Exchange Program to take the place of Mary Mary, Jack's sidekick. Thanks to Thursday's ingenuity, Jack's book was saved from destruction. It became a haven for overworked nursery rhyme characters, hence the strange mix of cop mystery and nursery rhymes.

In BOE, Jack heads the Nursery Crime Division in Reading, specializing in crimes relating to nursery characters. Apparently, Humpty Dumpty (full name: Humperdinck Jehoshaphat Aloysius Stuyvesant van Dumpty) was found dead below one of his walls. At first, they thought he killed himself, but the bullet hole was discovered when the pathologist put Humpty back together again.

Mary Mary (quite contrary) is a new transfer to Jack's team. She transferred to Reading in hopes of working with Friendland Chymes, a hotshot detective. At first I didn't like Mary because she kept hoping the NCD would be disbanded so she could try getting a post in Chymes's team. And then I disliked her even more when she agreed to act as a double agent, spying on Jack's investigation because Chymes wanted to steal the case so he could write a spectacular story in Amazing Crimes, a true crime magazine. It's a big deal for a detective to have his work published; it's such a big deal that solving crimes are secondary to creating a dramatic and entertaining story for the readership.

But of course, Mary realized that Chymes was a jerk and she actually belonged in the NCD (with a name like Mary Mary, of course she did!) and helped Jack solve this complicated crime. The ending was so satisfying, with a solution to the puzzle so multi-layered that I couldn't see how Amazing Crimes could pass up on the story.

Besides Humpty Dumpty, the cast of characters includes Wee Willie Winkie, Rapunzel, Old Mother Hubbard, and the Gingerbreadman (a psychopath killer reminding me of Hannibal Lechter when he's in captivity). It was tons of fun spotting the references to nursery rhymes throughout the book.

The second Nursery Crime book, The Fourth Bear, is coming out this summer. I can't wait!

Undead and Unwed

Author: MaryJanice Davidson
Published: March 2, 2004 (Berkley)
Category: Paranormal Romance
Quote of Choice: [Betsy says] "Being a a vampire doesn't bother you, but my giving money to P.E.T.A. does?" [Marc says]"Hey, it was one thing when you were a soulless underling of Satan, I could work with that, but a tree-hugging marmoset lover... ugh! I've got my pride, dude."

I certainly didn't waste any time returning to my beloved paranormal romances! This is an entertaining book, the first chronicling the adventures of Elizabeth Taylor (a.k.a. Betsy Taylor, Queen of the Undead). When she rose from her coffin, the first things she did were try to kill herself and then take back her designer shoes from her wicked stepmother. The death and stepmother are not connected.

It turns out that there are two factions in the vampire world and Nostro needs to be eliminated. Betsy is the best hope, being the queen as prophecy foretold... provided she can stop giggling over the nicknames she gives ol' Nostro (a.k.a. Nostril, Nosehair, Noseo, Notso, etc.). The dangerously handsome vampire Eric Sinclair wants Betsy to side with him and defeat Nostro, if Betsy can get over the feelings of attraction between her and Sinclair.

The dialogue is funny, but not as funny as Katie MacAlister's Aisling Grey series. Betsy laughs at the clichés the humans believe in regarding vampires, such as Gary Oldman's "old lady hairdo" in Dracula. There was not so much romance in this book as there was lust. In terms of a good vampire story, Davidson did a really good job putting together a world and I'm excited to see what happens in the second book, Undead and Unemployed.

The 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear

Author: Walter Moers
Published: October 20, 2005 (Overlook)
Category: Fantasy
Quote of Choice: My earliest memory is of being afloat in rough seas, naked and alone in a walnut shell, for at first I was very, very small.

Welcome to Zamonia, a continent like no other, filled with strange creatures and wacky adventures. It's located between Eurasia and North America, seemingly many years ago.

Our narrator is Bluebear, the last known creature of his species in Zamonia. Apparently, a bluebear has 27 lives, and this book describes 13 1/2 of Bluebear's lives. However, describing 13 1/2 lives takes up quite a big of paper... 703 pages, to be exact. Some of the lives are very short, like Bluebear's time with the minipirates. These creatures are six inches tall and born with eyepatches, peglegs for both legs, and iron hooks for both hands. The chapter on Bluebear's life in Atlantis was the longest of all, and I found it to be a bit long-winded, involving a lot of lists.

From a production standpoint, this book is quirky and wonderful, but I'd never want to work on it. There are illustrations throughout and little encyclopedia extracts that explain a new creature you encounter, courtesy of Professor Abdullah Nightingale, the most intelligent being in the universe (he has seven brains).

Despite the daunting length of this book, it's easy to put it down and take a break because it's more like a collection of stories rather than a continuous plot. It took me quite a while (in my standards) to finish it - I started on April 11th.

Walter Moers, the author and illustrator has another Zamonia book coming out this fall. This time, it's about a character Bluebear met in his travels, a Wolperting named Rumo. I will definitely pick it up!